Well today was a lovely day. because my dad kicked me out of the house a month ago, I've been living a few days here and there. So I'm at my grandparents today. I woke up at six, then found out I didn't have to be up until seven. That pissed me off. Then, I got to school. My english teacher thinks I'm a freak. My french teacher is mad at me, but that's fine. Chibi didn't like the poem, Steph sounds like she did, but that's all. I haven't even spoken to Michelle about it. Keith said he liked it, and Alex says she does. But then, she'll say that about anything I do, even if it's crap. I was really hoping chibi would like it. See, I really like chibi. Unfortunately I got a note from her today saying that she didn't feel the same for me, and that I should back off. Not cool. So where do I go now? Keith had a good day. He got his license. I hung out with my uncle Shawn and his girlfriend for a bit, then I decided to call Andy, my boyfriend. Yes, boyfriend. See, I liked him, and it'll be two months soon, but now I know it can't work out. But now, complication.he asked me to his prom, and I said yes. Now I don't want to go. I was talking to him today, and trying to tell him about Keith, and his licence. But Andy made a dig about Keith. I told him I wouldn't tolerate it, but he refused to appologize. then, when I was trying to explain to him that I won't date a person without goals, and I was explaining a theory based on history, and he not only made it difficult by refusing to get it on purpose, but then he laughs at me? Oh, no, I don't take that! So I got pissed off. I hung up. I called Alex. She couldn't talk. I bloody called everyone I fucking could, and nothing. So then I came on here.

So I think I'm going to break up with him. I can't stand him anymore.

 

May 13th 2003

Well, since the last of my entries, things have been going ok, I guess. I broke up with Andy on the Second. It was flaming rediculous our trying to carry on a bloody relationship when peace alone knows why we even started it in the first place, and all but the Dark One were on our tails about it, the light knows why it lasted this flaming long! So I broke up with the bloody flaming fool of a wool-headed sheephearder on the Friday. Then I ran into someone I thought I'd gotten over... evidently not.So, I run into Al again. Yeah, the guy from Minden last year. Last year I find a guy I like, he plays guitar, and the drums, and he is great to talk to, he's really sweet. Well, that's all well and good, but last year I find out he's got a girlfriend. So I trade emails with him anyway, which is cool, and over time we talk, no big deal, just strictly plutonic stuff. After a while we begin to lose contact. I meet up with him here, just after I've broken up with Andy, and find out that he and Kim broke up too. I was soooooo disapointed! Lol. yeah right! Anyway, so we've been talking, but like with any male,it's like pulling teeth to try to get him to email me. I think that's why I'm beginning to like girls better. Maybe. I don't know. Mr Rhody told me I was a viking today, so I told him that I was going to take his land and carry away him women. He laughed. He's seen the way that Alex and I act around each other. We're totally comfortable with the other persons presence, no doubts. Anyway, I think Alex is doing a good job of keeping my mind off of Chibi. Thanks Alex. Maybe I should elaborate. There's Alex male, and Alex female, and so for the sake of sanity, we're going to make Alex male into Al.

Anyway, mary is going to prom with Andy, and there's this hot guy at our school. Alex knows whom I'm talking about. I'm making a story about him, probably just a short one. I've made him taller and into... something, but I can't tell you yet, cause it'll ruin part of the story. Once I've let some people in on it and expanded it a bit, maybe then I'll let you in on the little secret.

So mama and I are moving into a small house near our old one, back into Oshawa. It's a nice house, and it beats commuting. From Scarborough to Oshawa all the time. I can't wait, it's Thursday that we move. Fun fun fun! I'm at the GP's house right now.

I'm lost. I can't get out of me. I've ben wandering aruond for so long that i've lost my sense of direction. I just want someone to love me for who I am, to be with me, to know me like no one else. I just feel like I'm only a few inches away from that, but I've not yet come into contact with that person. Like in those movies where the person that the character is looking for passes right in behind them, and it would solve the whole movie if only they'd have seen them then. You know? I know that person is out there, staring up at the same stars, feeling the same bloody rain, but we can't seem to pull it together. I hate it. I don't care who they are, as long as they're someone I can live with....

(Being a hot blonde wouldn't hurt either... big blue eyes... girl shorter than me... guy taller, of course. Or maybe a taller girl. Older if possible, guy, or girl... but really, anything'll do. Must be the testosterone kicking in again.) Anyway, I just feel like it's about time for me to find someone like that. I mean, the people that I concentrate on, well, for some reason, they just don't work out.

Oh, well, maybe I just need some rest, it'll all get easier with the morning light. I'm starting to sound like an Ogier.

How's this one?:"Every rose has it's thorns."

Thank you Shakepeare.

~Aislygn, the Empress~

 

July 15th 03.

Well, I've decided that "The Empresses Diary" Will be taken off from here, and I'll be writing only on my blog site, which I'll be working on over the summer. Turns out that some people have found this site, and are offended by the contents of my Diary. If you would like the address to my blog site, feel more than free to send me an email...